


(your love was like a dying rose)

by ArteaCactus



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, M/M, Nausea, Unsympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Vomiting, also sorta, and its obvious, he doesnt like janus, its not detailed, no beta we die like men, sorta?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25008550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArteaCactus/pseuds/ArteaCactus
Summary: It started as a mere tickle in the back of his throat.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 23
Kudos: 178





	(your love was like a dying rose)

**Author's Note:**

> un beta'd! 
> 
> Theres cursing and blood and all that jazz that comes with hanahaki disease, just a warning :) 
> 
> I spent weeks writing this, and I've finally decided its good enough to post! I'm not the happiest with it but i hope yall enjoy nonetheless. sorry for the ooc-ness! remus and janus esp lol

It started as a mere tickle in the back of his throat, a minor annoyance easily solved by a quick clearing of his throat. Easy enough to manage, and he thought perhaps, worst-case scenario, he was getting a cold. Not uncommon for him in the Fall, he knew, being who he was and being sensitive to the chilly temperatures. It was effortless to ignore and continue on with his life.

Unfortunately, however, the tickle evolved into wheezing, which evolved into deep, wracking coughing fits. Not long after that, he began to feel something crawling its way up the back of his throat when he coughed, and eventually stuck his fingers into the back of his throat, and pried out a clump of what appeared to be flower petals; red roses, slick with mucus. 

This confounded him. After all, what sickness existed that caused one to cough up  _ flower petals _ ?

Perhaps he just accidentally inhaled some when he went out exploring with Remus, or maybe Remus was pulling some prank on him. Honestly, very possible situations- and the urge to cough had disappeared, so perhaps that was all, and he could walk away like nothing happened.

He didn’t really make it that much longer before the coughing fits came back with a vengeance, and this time, when he choked and coughed up a wad of rose petals, the beautiful scarlet things were dotted with ugly, dark burgundy blood.

That..  _ that  _ was concerning. Sure, Remus’ pranks could get a little bloody, but this was just.. Not his style, not at all.

He shook it off. He wasn’t a real person, therefore it wouldn’t be able to hurt him anyway. Maybe he wasn’t the only one affected, and Roman was going on a creative kick and accidentally projected a new sickness he made onto the Sides. It wouldn’t be the first time Roman unintentionally released his creations while distracted, after all.

So, tossing the petals into the trash, he walked off and thought no more of it. 

Weeks passed, and despite his situation only getting more and more severe, the others showed absolutely no signs of sickness. No one was coughing or even clearing their throats more than average, and absolutely none of them seemed to have an issue with flower petals like he was. His trash cans were filling constantly, choking and spitting roses into them non-stop. He couldn’t get a full night’s sleep, anymore, woken up every hour by painful coughs.

The blood splatters have also increased in frequency, and he was unable to wear his gloves anymore, as they always ended up stained dark red by the end of the day. The coughs didn’t use to hurt, and now they were  _ agonizing _ , and  _ now  _ he was worried.

So, he went to the only one he could.

“Remus?” Came his croaking voice, wrecked from coughing all day and all night, as he knocked his knuckles against the black and sickly green colored door in front of him.

There was shuffling, and the sound of footsteps nearing the door, heavily thumping with tiredness (it  _ was  _ sometime around two in the morning, after all), and the door opened to Remus’ sleepy-looking face, eyelids drooping as he looked at Janus in surprise. 

“Jan?” Remus grunted, raising a fist to rub at his eye, “What brings ‘ou here, at,” He squinted at his wrist, presumably pretending he had a watch, “This ungodly hour?”

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Janus was telling the truth, he  _ was  _ sorry. Poor Remus was evidently sound asleep and Janus came and bothered him with his nonsensical coughing fits. “But I-” His breath caught in his throat and he choked out a gross, wet cough, and by the feel of something dripping down his lip, he could only assume he had a mouthful of blood now. “-I need to talk to you.” He finished, cringing at the metallic taste on his tongue.

If it were any other situation, he would have laughed at the way Remus’ eyes popped out of their sockets; literally, they were dangling down his face, it was disgusting. But, unfortunately, sharp pains in his chest and a suspicious feeling in his throat prevented him from thinking about much else.

Janus was ushered into the room quickly, and he thanked whatever deity existed that Remus’ room was actually clean today, because he was able to run to the trash bin without tripping over a hundred different things, and retched into it, hardly registering the hand resting on his back.

Janus chose to ignore the fact the trash can was now full of thick, oozing blood and swaths of vibrant rose petals, and instead turned to Remus, breathing shakily and feeling like utter  _ shit _ .

“So.” He started, cringing at how his voice broke, but Remus seemed to pay no mind, “I have a problem.”

“That much is obvious, Janus,” Remus mumbled, and Janus was so startled by the lack of silly nickname or inappropriate joke that he didn’t react when Remus snapped his fingers and emptied the trash bin in seconds. “How long has this been going on?”

“A week?” Janus guessed, “Or longer, I suppose. Three weeks at most.”

“ _ Three weeks _ ,” Remus echoed in a hiss, sounding unusually upset, “And you didn’t _ tell me _ ?”

“I thought you caused it,” Janus argued, feeling a slight pang at the hurt look in Remus’ eyes as he said it, “I assumed you were pranking me, or something. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Remus admitted, “But I would never hurt you like this, Jan-Jan. I thought you knew that.” He grunted and scooped his arms beneath Janus’, and, ignoring the other’s noise of surprise, picked him up and deposited him on the king-sized bed that they sat next to, and pulled the empty trash bin closer just in case. “But  _ still _ .”

Janus sighed, complying to Remus’ silent request and leaning back against the mounds of pillows at the head of the bed. “So you don’t know what’s going on?”

“I didn’t say that,” Remus corrected, and clambered up next to Janus on the bed, bumping their legs together (distantly Remus wondered how the hell Janus slept in slacks and a dress shirt, he was uncomfortable just wearing his fuzzy grinch pajama bottoms!). “I know what it is.”

Janus deflated in relief, letting out a loud groan, that was cut off by a wheezing cough. “What- What is it, then?” He asked once he’d caught his breath, eager to just get it  _ gone _ .

“Well.. It’s actually kind of complicated, and there’s a bit of a backstory to it, and you’re really not gonna like it, and I guess  _ technically  _ I was the one that did it but I didn’t intend for it to happen to  _ you  _ and it’s gonna be basically impossible to get rid of-”

“Remus,” Janus cut him off, his own clawed hand poking Remus’ palm, pausing him. “Calm down. Explain slowly.”

Remus took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders as if he were bracing himself for something. “See, when Roman and I were younger, and I was desperate for everyone to like me… I tried going more for Roman’s style and made something  _ romantic _ . Well, it took a turn, because  _ apparently  _ I’m incapable of making anything  _ good _ , and it turned into a disease. It was supposed to be something where everyone gets assigned some special flower, and when you fall in love, the flowers of whoever you fall for start appearing wherever you go until you either lose the feelings or get together with them. I thought it was cute!” He pouted when Janus gave him a deadpan look, both appalled that Remus actually thought that was a  _ good  _ idea and sick to his stomach because he had an inkling of an idea where this was going. “But instead of that happening, it... It became a disease, and when you fall in love but it’s not reciprocated, those flowers start to grow in your lungs and slowly take over until they kill you, either by suffocation or blood loss or whatever happened first. And, um, well, I thought it was fine because I didn’t think anyone was in actual  _ danger  _ here, and..” Remus sighed, and visibly deflated. “I’m sorry, Jan, this is all my fault.”

Meanwhile, Janus was  _ reeling _ . He wasn’t really all that upset about Remus being the reason for his.. Predicament, nor was he that surprised that it  _ was  _ Remus’ fault, indirectly. It was the  _ reason  _ he had it that was throwing him for a loop.

“Unrequited love?” Janus muttered, dazed. “Are you saying that I’m _ in love _ with someone?”

“Yeah?” Remus was confused, now, too. He thought that Janus was at least aware of his own pining. “Wait, hold on, you seriously  _ didn’t know _ ?”

“Know what?” Janus squawked. Was everyone else aware of this? Why had no one notified  _ him _ ?

“Double D, you’re head over heels for Roman. Like, you have  _ such  _ a raging heart hard-on for him, it is insane.”

Janus sputtered in embarrassment, letting out a choked  _ ‘what’  _ before going into a coughing fit. Was he really the last one to know about it? Was he  _ that obvious _ ? 

“Don’t worry, Jan,” Remus reassured, patting Janus on the back as he coughed, “I’m pretty sure I’m the only person who knows about it, I mean, it’s really obvious to  _ me _ , but that’s probably just because we’re so close.”

Janus just let out a wheezing sound, chest tightening uncomfortably. He was in love.. With  _ Roman _ ?

He rolled the thought over in his head, and then recalled all the time he spent with the Creativity Twin. Yeah, Roman was definitely his favorite out of the others; he may be energetic and loud, but so was Remus, and they got along wonderfully. Roman was actually quite intelligent and his quick wit made him fun to talk to. Usually, Janus didn’t like very bright colors like white and red but Roman pulled them off quite nicely, and they made his eyes shine chocolate brown and his hair look like it glowed. And his smile was dazzling, and he had dimples that only rarely showed and Janus tried  _ so hard _ to make Roman smile wide enough to show them off-

A cough ripped from his chest and he spat out a vibrant rose petal, his train of thought coming to a screeching halt.

Oh, dear, Remus was  _ right _ .

He felt a new sinking feeling in his stomach. He was going to die of this disease. There was no way in  _ hell  _ that he was going to actually tell Roman this. He had a sword and a grudge and Janus just  _ knew  _ that those two things wouldn’t end in a heartfelt love confession between them, but rather a corpse.

“ _ Fuck _ .” Janus hissed, and wrenched himself from Remus’ comforting grasp, and instead banged his head back against the wall. “Fuck me.”

“I’m gonna have to pass,  _ but  _ I’m sure Roman would love to!” Remus gave him a cheeky grin that didn’t falter at the glare tossed his way, the other too exhausted to retaliate any other way. “Seriously, Jan, you should definitely tell him. I mean, I really can’t promise it’ll end in some super romantic  _ Disney  _ way, but I don’t think it’ll end as badly as you’re undoubtedly imagining. Roman actually  _ does  _ like you, you know.”

“Like me?” Janus scoffed disbelievingly, “ _ Roman _ ? Remus, please, I thought you were the smart one.”

“That’s Logan,” Remus shot back without missing a beat, “And  _ yes _ , Roman. He’s a little bitchy, I’ll admit, and he was a  _ total  _ dick to you when you told everyone your name, but he’s been nicer to you since then, hasn’t he?”

Remus had a point, Janus realized. Roman was a little cruel at first, but he  _ did  _ warm up to him. He’s stopped insulting him (genuinely, anyway; Roman’s main way of affection was light-hearted insults), and actually invited him to things now. He loosened up around him and stopped carrying around his sword everywhere he went. Hell, Roman even  _ touched  _ him more; arms slung around the shoulders, pats on the back, a hand ruffling his hair. 

Janus shook his head. No, he still couldn’t do it. 

“Oh, come  _ on _ !” Remus groaned, throwing his hands in the air. “It’s not hard! Just waltz on up to him like you do any other time, tell him you’re madly in love with him, then fuck him, and boom! Roses gone, your life is saved.”

“My life is saved from the  _ flowers _ , but what do you think Virgil will do to me when he sees me getting  _ close  _ to Roman?” Janus hissed, “No, Remus. We’ll find another way to get rid of this. That’s final.”

Janus’ head turned away, and he couldn’t see Remus’ scowl, nor could he see how that scowl turned into an unsettled frown. 

Remus had a bad, bad feeling that Janus’ idea wasn’t going to end well, and he hoped to the gods he was wrong.

* * *

As the days passed, Janus’ condition only got worse and worse. Especially now that he was aware of the cause for said condition. He was constantly hyper-focused on his feelings for  _ Roman  _ and he kept thinking about  _ Roman  _ and it was all just Roman, Roman,  _ Roman _ .

Remus was still trying to get him to confess, telling him that it was for the best and if he didn’t, Janus could  _ die _ . Of  _ course  _ that bothered Janus; he was the embodiment of self-care and self-preservation, it was agonizing for him to not do what he needed to save himself. It was against his very core purpose!

But he just..  _ Couldn’t _ . He couldn’t really explain why, he just couldn’t. Every time he went to try, he faltered and backed out last second, like there was some invisible barrier blocking him.

It was frustrating, to say the least. For both Janus  _ and  _ Remus.

Janus was also showing up far less. Usually, he liked to pop in every so often, uninvited- just to startle them for fun or to check up on them. They didn’t really mind, if anything, they were starting to welcome the visits. Now, however, Janus went from showing up every few days to having popped up once in the whole month he’d been ill and that’s it. No one’s come up to check on him yet, but he’s sure they’ve noticed his absence. 

He looked himself in the mirror. He surely wasn't going to be able to show his face now. 

The human side of his face was pale and sickly, eye sunken in and cheekbone too sharp. He had dark circles around his eye and the usual rich chocolate brown was more like a muddy gray. The snake side of him wasn't really faring much better; his scales were dull and itchy, and his usually striking golden eye was more like a shameful piss-yellow (or at least, that's how Remus described it). 

Janus sighed, and waved his hand, and immediately felt a strong pull as he used his dwindling power to cover up his face, make him look  _ normal _ . It hurt his chest and made him tired to use so much for so long, but it was either that or risk everyone else seeing what really lied beneath, and  _ that  _ wasn't an option.

Suddenly, a  _ new _ type of pull tugged at him. 

He grunted, and called for Remus shakily. The other was there in an instant, looking borderline  _ rabid _ . Janus took a moment to send an apologetic look- he was sure Remus thought Janus was in genuine danger- before plowing on. "Thomas is calling for me again." 

Remus had been the one taking Janus' place, lately. Every time Thomas tried summoning Janus, Remus went instead. They spent enough time around each other for it to not be that big of a deal; Remus always somehow  _ knew  _ what Janus would say in every situation, and so it was almost like Janus was there after all. 

Remus sighed. "You're gonna have to pussy-up and go face them eventually, Jan-Jan. You know that."

"Yes, and I will.  _ After  _ this has been taken care of." Janus snapped, a fierce look in his eyes, daring Remus to go on about the subject. Of course, he did.

"It's not going to happen like that," Remus grit his teeth, looking unusually frustrated, "You're going to either die, or confess. There's  _ no  _ third option, Janus. You have to  _ pick one  _ and fucking  _ stick to it _ ."

Janus took a deep breath- or tried to, anyway; a sputtering cough took hold and some more of those  _ damn  _ petals fluttered from his lips. "I'll find a way." He muttered, and waved his hand. 

A dismissal. 

And with a frustrated curse, Remus left, to answer Thomas' summons for the other Side. 

When he rose up, the first thing Remus saw were a bunch of glances and ‘I-Told-You-So’ expressions.

“What? What’s that look for? Do I have something in my mouse-stache?” Remus questioned, lifting his hand and twirling his moustache between his fingers.

“N- Mouse-stache?” Logan started, then stopped, face scrunching up in confusion. “Did you mean moustache?”

Remus’ reply was a tug on the end of his moustache, pulling on what seemed to be a tail, and pulled his moustache off- and held a live mouse in his hand. “No.”

At this point, they’d become desensitized to him, Remus realized, because Logan had merely sighed before plowing on.

“Well, we needed Janus for this project, and half of us were hoping he’d show up, and the other half kind of assumed you were going to arrive in his place,  _ again _ .” Logan explained (Remus could pretty much guess who was on what side, considering how sheepish and slightly disappointed Roman, Thomas, and Patton looked, and how much Logan and Virgil seemed to preen at being right). 

“Yeah, which, by the way, what’s up with that?” Virgil asked, eyes narrowed and tone disapproving, “Is he  _ scheming  _ or something?”

Remus scoffed and sputtered, offended on Janus’ behalf. “Why do you assume everything he does is  _ bad _ ?” He threw his hands in the air, “Seriously! I’ll have you know he’s just been  _ busy  _ with  _ actual work _ and doesn’t have time to entertain you infuriating fools! Well, not you, Logan, you’re a delight and we’re glad to have you here.” He tacked onto the end of his outburst once Logan seemed a little offended; whether it was from being called a fool or being lumped in with the others, Remus wasn’t sure. 

“If he’s  _ busy  _ with  _ actual work _ , why does it seem like he’s hardly been working at all?” Virgil snapped, “Thomas has been a  _ trainwreck  _ these past couple weeks and every time we try to get to Janus to come and explain,  _ you  _ show up in his stead.”

“So you resort to  _ accusations  _ and sink into old, petty rivalries? I’d say I expected better of you, but really, I didn’t.” Remus’ lip curled in irritation, but the news that Thomas was behaving differently worried him, too. After all, that meant Janus was weakening so much that he just couldn’t keep his influence held as tightly as he could before. And  _ that  _ was bad news, for multiple reasons.

“Remus,” Roman’s warning tone made him pause. Not because he was afraid of his little brother, oh no, definitely not. But because this was the one who meant life or death for Janus, his  _ best friend _ , and he didn’t want to jeopardize Janus’ chances of surviving because he couldn’t reign himself in. “Please. We know Janus isn’t busy with work or whatever other excuses you have, we want to know the truth.”

Remus almost gave in, he  _ almost did _ , but then Virgil opened up his big, stupid mouth again.

“As if we can trust him, or Janus for that matter,” The Side griped, “I say we storm in his room and find out what’s going on for ourselves.”

“Seriously, what the fuck is  _ wrong  _ with you?” Remus burst, eyes lit with a blazing fury, “Why are you so bossy all of a sudden? Huh? Aren’t you supposed to be  _ anxiety _ ? You know, the shy, nervous one afraid to speak his mind? Since when did you become a fucking  _ god _ ? Who died and made you king?” He seethed, “And why do you care about Janus so much? Thought you hated his guts, you know, what with how you acted and what you did before you  _ abandoned  _ us.”

“Remus-” Patton spoke up hesitantly, watching as Virgil began to shrink in on himself as Remus raised his voice to him, hands swinging wildly, but fell silent as Remus turned on him.

“And you, too! All of you! What happened to  _ Janus is the bad guy _ and  _ Janus does no good _ and  _ he’s Deceit, he should never be trusted _ ? Or did you change your minds now that it’s convenient for you? Now that Thomas is telling people that their outfit  _ doesn’t  _ look good today and that he  _ doesn’t  _ like their haircuts?  _ You don’t get to pick and choose when Janus is important, _ ” Remus’ voice was more like a snarl as he swept his gaze across the room. “You don’t get to pick and choose when his life matters! What if we did that with any  _ other  _ Side, huh? You’d get all up and fiery because they’re _ good guys _ and so their word matters no matter  _ what  _ it is, right? So why is it  _ so fucking different _ with Janus?”

“Remus, buddy, calm down-” Thomas’ voice came in, next, eyes wide and bothered; either by his words or how borderline  _ feral  _ he was acting, Remus wasn’t sure, and he didn’t really care. 

“For your infor- _ fucking _ -mation, Janus is sick! He’s  _ sick  _ and it’s hard for him to do much of anything right now, let alone come up here and play with you  _ shitheads  _ every time you decide his presence is worthy of your time!” Remus finally stopped and took a breath, sucking air into his lungs, as if he was drowning and only just broke the surface of the water. His entire body trembled with anger, and if he was paying attention, he’d be able to see the fluctuating sickly green aura radiating around his body, his eyes glowing a piercing, vibrant emerald. 

“Janus is.. Sick?” Thomas echoed after a momet of shocked silence, his eyes wide and form rigid. “Is that.. Is that even  _ possible _ ?”

“I.. I don’t know, I didn’t think so,” Logan answered dumbly, an equally surprised look on his face, “How could it be possible? We aren’t real. We’re figments of your imagination, more or less. We’re just embodiments of emotions and traits. How could any of us be subjected to such  _ earthly  _ things?”

“How do you know he’s not just lying?” Virgil asked, but his voice was far quieter now, more subdued, “It couldn’t be possible for any of us to get sick..”

Remus opened his mouth, either to scream some more or explain what was going on, they weren’t quite sure, but it was quickly shut again as another presence rose up beside him. Logan was pushed off into Patton’s corner to make room, Remus and the new appearance sitting where he usually did at the corner by the stairwell. 

“It’s not; or at least, that’s what I always thought, too,” Came Janus’ weak, raspy voice, and the snake-like Side stood there, looking just as sick as Remus said. He couldn’t hold up the façade any longer, his body pale and fragile-looking, face sunken in and eyes dull. He seemed to rest most of his body weight against his cane, his hands gripping the golden cobra tightly. “I’m sorry for my absence and late entry. Thomas, what is it you required my assistance for?”

“Wait, no, hold up, what’s going on?” Thomas waved him off, “My dilemma isn’t as important as this is. Are you okay?”

“Does he  _ look  _ okay, genius?” Remus snarked, but Janus stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“It’s fine, Thomas,  _ please _ .” Janus croaked. He seemed to look everywhere but in Thomas’ eyes- in anyone’s eyes, actually. He kept his gaze downcast, and seemed to avoid looking in Roman’s direction entirely. Due to that, he couldn’t see the overwhelming concern and slight hurt in his eyes at the apparent avoidance. 

Thomas took a deep breath, but chose to drop it for now, and he went on with the issue he needed Janus to help with.

It was pretty obvious Janus was only half-listening, but he still pitched in with arguments and reasoning, and it seemed to go pretty okay. 

Unfortunately, the moment Roman spoke, it seemed to go downhill.

“But Thomas, if Janus is right-”

Janus didn’t hear the rest of Roman’s argument- as a matter of fact, everything seemed to suddenly go hazy and warped. Voices became muddled and the world seemed to be enveloped by smoke. Panicked, his hand shot out and he clutched the nearest thing to him; which happened to be Remus’ wrist.

He coughed and spluttered, his entire body shaking, and dimly registered the panicked shouts of everyone around him. He felt something crawl up his throat, and tried to swallow it back, but that only seemed to succeed in making it worse. 

It clogged up his airways, and just as he started to struggle to breathe, he coughed once more, and it fell into his mouth, as well as a sudden mouthful of blood.

He spat the thing to the ground- which turned out to be a large, blooming rose, petals wrinkled and stinking of mucus- and blood fell past his lips, dripping onto the ground and staining Thomas’ floors red. Petals floated from his mouth downwards, as if the rose had been blocking a flood, and the dam broke.

Exhausted, Janus just managed to lift his head enough to catch Roman’s eye, making brief, but intense, eye contact, before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell.

Remus yelped in surprise, careful not to step in the puddle of blood and roses, and shot his arms out, catching Janus as he collapsed, his cane falling and making a loud  _ clang  _ against the hard floor. Janus seemed to have gone unconscious before he even hit his arms, hanging limply in his grasp, his hat fallen on the floor, revealing his matted, greasy hair. 

In a matter of seconds, the shocked and horrified silence turned into chaotic cries, as they all realized what just happened and that  _ yes, Janus  _ was  _ sick, and it was very, very bad _ .

Remus, himself, was surprised by the intensity of the sickness and how fast it’d escalated, and it scared him. Suddenly panicked, Remus looked up, his eyes pleading for help, and he managed to catch Logan’s gaze.

Logan’s eyes hardened as he understood Remus’ message, and he easily took charge, and he called for silence.

“Remus, put Janus on the couch. That’s not where he’ll stay but we should avoid moving him to his room right now, I’m not sure how the transition from physical world to mindscape would affect him.” Logan instructed, and Remus wasted no time in moving the limp body in his arms, resting Janus on the couch but rolling him on his side, just in case the roses were still in his throat, so they didn’t choke him. He looked at Logan questioningly, silently asking if what he was doing was good, and was met with a pleased nod that made his chest warm.

“Patton, if you would, please make a soup or something? I don’t know if he’ll be able to eat when he wakes up, but better safe than sorry,” Logan waved Patton forward, the Side complying but sidestepping the big puddle of blood and flowers at the foot of the stairs. Logan cringed.

“Roman, could you please clean  _ that  _ up? If you would?” At receiving a surprised glance, Logan added, “You’re the only one of us that deals with blood on a daily basis, so you don’t have a very weak stomach, plus you know how to get stains out.” 

Roman huffed, and muttered something along the lines of, ‘ _ Yeah, during dragon fights in the imagination, not with a person _ ’, but got to work nonetheless.

Logan turned to Virgil, internally cringing at the pale, scared look on his face.

“Virgil, can you calm Thomas down, please?” He tried. He didn’t want to get him or Thomas directly involved with the situation, so putting them together with something simple would be ideal. 

Virgil, eager for something to do to distract him and  _ not  _ keep staring at the red stains forming on the carpet, jumped off his spot at the stairs; though rather than calming Thomas down, it seemed to be the opposite, and Thomas tucked Virgil into his side, working through breathing exercises with him.

“Now,” Logan sighed, approaching the couch where Remus was dressing Janus down, the Side beginning to sweat profusely on the human half of his face. “I’m presuming you know just what he’s come down with? Could you explain?”

Remus made a sound of discontent, but complied. “Well, you guys remember back when Roman and I were children, and I was desperate for the love and attention he got?”

Patton looked a little upset at his words, but Logan nodded, “Of course.”

“Once, while I was wondering how to get on your guys’ good side, I tried dabbling in Roman’s expertise;  _ romance _ . Thought that maybe, if I made something good, then  _ I _ could be good, too. Unfortunately, fate has decided that I am incapable of making anything good.” Remus sighed, absently petting Janus’ hair. “See, what I was trying to do was make this cutesy little thing with flowers! Assign a flower to each of the sides and when they fall in love, they leave a trail of flower petals that belong to the one they love.”

Roman shrank in on himself, horrified. They could all see where this was going.

Remus shook his head, “Instead what came about was a disease, where when you fall in love but it is believed to be unrequited, the flowers of those you love grow within your lungs, and you cough out petals day after day until it gets so intense that it blocks up your airways entirely and you suffocate to death. It amused me, so I.. well, I kept it.” He admitted, “I thought it was funny, and didn’t think anyone could have fallen victim to it. Obviously..” He gave a sorrowful look in Janus’ direction, “They can.”

“Remus..” Thomas breathed, shaking his head. “That’s… that’s  _ brutal _ , man.”

“I don’t.. I don’t know how to fix this.” Logan frowned, “If Janus is ill because of unrequited love, I can’t just.. It’s not possible to cure the traditional way.”

“It’s not unrequited, though,” Roman pointed out, having caught Remus’ wording, “It’s  _ believed  _ to be unrequited. Janus loves someone and  _ thinks  _ they don’t return his feelings, it’s not necessarily true.”

“That.. Is true,” Logan nodded, “But that begs a new question. Who is it?”

They all exchanged glances. It wasn’t actually all too hard to figure out- quite obvious, to be honest, now that they thought of it.

It wasn’t Virgil, that was for sure, considering the  _ everything  _ between them. Or Thomas, because he was his Host.

It wasn’t Patton, because Janus seemed to only tolerate him at best, and everyone knew Remus and Logan were involved in some way, even though they didn’t admit it; sure, Remus and Janus were really close and Logan got along with Janus well enough, there just wasn’t really anything connecting.

_ Roman _ , on the other hand…

It was no secret that Janus had always taken a liking to Roman. Even before he was revealed to Thomas, Janus has always seemed to compliment and find some way to flirt with or flatter Roman. It had gotten a little dour after Janus revealed his name and they had a spat, but it had bounced back quickly enough. They were almost as tightly knit as Remus and Logan.

“It’s Roman,” Remus sighed. There was no point in hiding it any longer; after all, they’d already figured it out, the realization falling on their faces before he even spoke. 

Roman stood in silence for a moment, processing the whole thing, then paled. “I did this to him.”

“ _ No _ , Roman, you didn’t.” Logan replied, “You didn’t know. You aren’t to blame for not knowing how he felt.”

Remus waved his hands, catching their attention again. “It doesn’t matter now. What matters is making sure Janus is okay.” 

Still unused to seeing The Duke so serious, when it was basically the opposite of his function, Thomas shuffled in place awkwardly. “So.. what do we do?”

Remus fell back on his ass and crossed his legs.

“We can’t really do anything right now. We just have to wait until he wakes up.”

* * *

Janus’ eyes opened to a dimly lit room, the only light source being a grand, golden chandelier dangling from a tall, arched ceiling. Eyes burning and head pounding, he blinked rapidly and tried to focus, tried to recognize where he was.

The walls were white and pristine, pillars of marble supporting the ceiling. Curtains of red cloth hung down from the pillars and acted as a wall, separating the large room from a smaller one tucked behind the curtains; he could just see a glimpse of large double doors inside it.

He was laying on a round bed in the center of the room, on a platform raised above the rest of the floor, red sheer curtain canopy draped over the white, arching frame, enclosing him in. The big, plush duvet around him was deep crimson with golden buttons, and the sheets were a pretty rose gold color. 

The decorations and color scheme and basic structure of the room itself told him exactly where he was.

_ Roman’s bedroom _ .

Janus wasn’t sure how he got there, or why he  _ was  _ there. Wasn’t he just..

Ah. 

It all flooded back to him; Remus showing up on his behalf, then getting so riled up that Janus showed up to calm the situation down, then the wave of agony and sickness and coughing up the flower and falling-

Now, he was in Roman’s room. For some reason.

He tried rolling over onto his side, but his weak arms and pain in his chest didn’t allow him to budge. He wheezed out a weak cough and realized how little he could breathe.

Forcing down muted panic, he shakily lifted his hand and touched his chest, cringing at the pain he felt. It  _ hurt _ , it hurt  _ so bad _ to just  _ touch  _ his chest. He tried not to think about what it looked like internally for that to happen. He was sure there were vines and thorns just about  _ everywhere  _ now. He felt sick at the thought.

Suddenly, a groaning creak echoed throughout the grand room, and Janus stilled. His eyes slipped shut once more, and if he could have, he’d have held his breath. It was either Roman or Remus, he thought; Remus is the only one who’d care for his wellbeing, but it  _ is  _ Roman’s room.

Sure enough, the steps that came towards him were delicate and quiet.  _ Roman _ . Janus didn’t really believe Remus was capable in being delicate in anything, to be honest, so it surely wasn’t him. 

He felt the bed sink down next to him, soothing body heat radiating off of the form. Janus had to hold himself back from curling into the warmth. 

“I did this to you,” Came the soft, pained whisper, Roman’s tone downright  _ depressed _ . “God, I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Janus.” His voice broke, and Janus felt droplets hit his face. Was Roman  _ crying _ ? Over  _ him _ ?

“They’re trying to be positive, for my sake. But I can see right through them. They don’t think you’re going to wake up. I want to believe you will, I  _ really  _ hope you do, but I’m starting to lose hope, too.” Roman sighed.

Janus was  _ really  _ confused now. How long was he out for? What did he mean for  _ his  _ sake?

“This is my fault. This is  _ all  _ my fault,” He felt warmth on his hand, skin meeting skin, and he realized Roman was holding his hand. “I love you, Janus. I love you  _ so damn much _ and I’m so sorry I was too much of a coward to tell you before all this shit went down. If I’d told you sooner I could have saved you from all this pain and suffering you’re going through.”

Janus’ chest ached, his heart breaking for the pain Roman must be going through; believing that  _ he  _ was the reason Janus was like this. He longed to reassure him that  _ no, it’s not your fault, I promise _ , but his throat was closing further and further by the minute and he wasn’t sure he would be able to even breathe for much longer. 

Wait. 

Did Roman say  _ he loved him _ ?

He felt his throat seal shut, and he weakly squeezed Roman’s hand. It was too late.

Roman jumped, and Janus heard him say his name in surprise, but didn’t hear much else past that other than blood pumping in his ears. 

He began to cough and splutter, his body fighting for air, and he cracked open his eyes just enough to see Roman’s panicked ones staring right back at him. He felt the other’s hands on him, pushing him over and rolling him on his side, and Janus pushed himself forward just enough to have his head tilted over the side of the bed, and his stomach lurched. Pain scraped against his insides, and whatever was blocking up his throat started to  _ move _ .

The last coherent thought he had was _ I’m sorry about your white floors, Roman, _ before thorny vines and rose petals fell from his mouth, blood dripping past his lips and from his nose. 

The only thing he could think about was the  _ pain _ , sharp thorns scratching his throat and tearing up his insides. He felt petals sticking to the roof of his mouth and gagged on the vines as they crept up his esophagus and forced their way out of his body. 

Blood coated his tongue, the sharp, metallic taste bringing tears to his eyes, and he choked out a wheezing cough. The cough dislodged  _ something _ , and something big; he felt it push up his throat and fall into his mouth, and suddenly, he could breathe again. It hurt, and it was only shallow, gasping breaths, but he could  _ breathe _ .

He let the thing fall out of his mouth, and it turned out to be a rose, identical to the one he’d spit out earlier, in front of everyone else. After the bloomed rose fell, everything else did; half-bloomed flowers, petals, thorns, and vines, it all spilled out of him after his airways had opened enough to let them come out.

Blood fell in a steady stream past his lips and he wasn’t sure if there was blood dripping from his eyes or if he was crying (he wouldn’t doubt either of them), but the worst of it was over, and Janus took the first deep breath he’d taken in  _ months _ . He almost passed out then and there from the sheer relief the feeling brought him.

He turned his gaze upwards, and he locked eyes with Roman, who was looking at him in horror, but he could see hope there too. Roman hoped he was okay, and that it was the end of it.

“I’m okay,” Janus rasped, the first words he’d spoken in who knows  _ how  _ long. It wrecked his throat and hurt like  _ hell _ , but he spoke anyway. “I’m okay, Roman.”

Suddenly, there was a warmth enveloping him; Roman’s arms were tight around his body, relief rolling off of him in  _ waves _ , and Janus tucked his face into his shoulder, his own body sagging in exhaustion. 

Finally, his fight was  _ over _ .

“I’m sorry,” Roman whispered, over and over, his voice raw with tears, “I’m so sorry I never told you, I put you through this-”

“It’s not your fault,” Janus replied, his clawed hand clutching Roman’s shirt like a lifeline, “Please don’t blame yourself. You didn’t know.”

“Still, I-”

“ _ Roman _ ,” Janus cut him off, trying to sound stern, but it came out strained. “It doesn’t matter now, it’s over.  _ I love you, _ ” His voice cracked, and he held Roman tighter, “ _ Fuck _ , I  _ love  _ you.”

Roman’s shoulders shook, and Janus felt lips press against his greasy, matted hair. 

“I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are encouraged! <3 they really help me out!


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